Why It's Easier (or Harder) to Make Friends as an Adult TCK

Growing up as a TCK, making friends might have felt like both a survival skill and a superpower. You learned how to read a room fast, find common ground quickly, and adapt to different social environments like a chameleon. But then adulthood hits - and things change.

Some TCKs find it surprisingly easy to form new connections as adults. Others feel completely out of sync in social settings where shared history and cultural shorthand seem like prerequisites. So, what gives?

Let's break it down.

Why It Might Be Easier Now

• You're used to starting over

As a TCK, beginning again is second nature. You know how to introduce yourself, ask good questions, and break the ice without overthinking it. While others may hesitate to reach out, you're more likely to take initiative.

• You've grown into your identity

With age comes wisdom and clarity. As an adult, you've likely developed a better understanding of your background and how to explain it - without apologizing for it. That confidence can make it easier to connect authentically.

• You value depth over convenience

Having experienced transient friendships, you may now seek intentional, meaningful relationships. You're willing to invest effort, because you know what's at stake - and what's possible.

Why It Might Be Harder Now

• The social landscape is different

Childhood offers built-in social systems: schools, playgrounds, team sports. As an adult, those structures disappear. Making friends now takes effort, vulnerability, and (often) awkwardness - and that's hard for anyone, not just TCKs.

• You feel "culturally out of place"

Even if you've settled in one country, you might still feel emotionally or culturally misaligned with the people around you. The references, jokes, and shared history that bond others might go right over your head - and vice versa.

• You're used to goodbyes

If you subconsciously expect people to leave - or expect yourself to - trusting new relationships can feel risky. You might hesitate to open up, unsure whether a connection is worth the potential heartbreak of eventual loss.

The Tension Between Adaptability and Isolation

Adult TCKs often live in a strange paradox: you can blend in anywhere, but sometimes feel like you belong nowhere.

You might have strong social skills but feel emotionally disconnected. Or you might be great at casual conversation but crave friendships that go away beyond the surface. That tension can make socializing exhausting or discouraging - even when you're doing "all the right things."

What Helps

If you're navigating the adult friendship scene as a TCK, here are a few gentle reminders:

• Lead with curiosity, not performance. You don't have to be impressive - just interested

• Don't underestimate the power of repetition. The people you consistently see (at work, the gym, volunteering, etc.)

• Give people a chance to surprise you. Some of your most meaningful friendships may come from unexpected places.

• Find TCK spaces. Online groups, meet-ups, or even following TCK creators can help you feel less alone in the journey.

Making friends as an adult TCK isn't always straightforward - but it's not hopeless either. I just graduated college and for the first time in my life I am making a big transition that does not involve leaving all my friends behind. I don't know how to be intentional with relationships that aren't separated by distance but that I also won't see all the time anymore. It's a hard thing to wrestle with and I'm right there with you.

Yes, your story is different. Yes, your sense of home and identity may feel layered and hard to explain. But that doesn't make you difficult - it makes you rich in perspective. And while connection may take longer to build, the friendships you make now - rooted in shared values and intentionality - can be some of the most rewarding of your life.

You're not behind. You're just building friendships with depth, not speed. And that's worth waiting for.