When the World Says 'Pick A Side' - But You Belong to Both

I moved back to the US and it felt like the world was a mess. Everyone was taking sides and I was awkwardly standing in the middle. One side assumed I would stand with them because of how I looked and presented myself. And the other side did not understand why I could empathize with them and understand their side. I was being pulled in every which direction and was being told I had to take a side, that it would be betrayal if I picked the other side and apathy if I picked neither.

Everywhere you look, someone is asking you to pick a side.

Online, the loudest voices seem to live at the extremes. In conversations, there's pressure to have a strong opinion, to declare what you stand for - or who you stand with. The world feels divided, and the expectation is that you must be, too.

But what happens when you've grown up between worlds? When your worldview has been shaped by more than one culture, and your heart carries pieces of multiple places and people?

For many Third Culture Kids (TCKs), that tension is daily reality. We see both sides because we've lived both sides. And in a world that wants certainty, that perspective can feel like a liability instead of the gift it truly is.

The Gift and the Curse of Perspective

Growing up among cultures gives you a kind of double vision. You learn to adapt, to empathize, to translate between perspectives. You understand that truth, love, and values can look different depending on where you stand.

But the same awareness can be exhausting. When others are quick to judge or take a stand, you're still weighing both sides - not because you're afraid to choose, but because you understand too much. Although understanding as much as you do allows you to weigh the sides in a way that others may not be able to, "knowing and understanding" comes with a price. It has come from a life of unimaginable pain, unresolved trauma, and parts of a life you often wish had never happened.

I've had people mistake my neutrality for indifference or my silence for apathy. In reality, I was wrestling with the complexity - knowing that every "side" has stories, pain, and reasons behind it. Holding the tension between worlds and perspectives that others only see one side of.

Jesus understood this tension deeply. He moved among people who could not have been more different: Jews and Gentiles, religious leaders and sinners, Romans and revolutionaries. Yet He refused to be boxed in by anyone's agenda. His mission was never about taking sides but declaring truth and bringing reconciliation.

Ephesians 2:14 says, "For Christ himself has brought peace to us. He united Jews and Gentiles into one people when, in his own body on the cross, he broke down the wall of hostility that separated us."

That's what it means to follow Him - to live as bridge-builders in a world that keeps building walls.

Why the World Demands Sides

We live in a world that craves certainty. People want clarity - clear answers, clear boundaries, clear heroes and villains. Taking sides provides that sense of security. It helps people feel like they belong somewhere and that they're standing for something solid.

In many cultures, being outspoken about what you believe isn't just encouraged - it's expected. Silence or hesitation can be seen as weakness, or worse, disloyalty. Having a firm opinion becomes a way to prove integrity or loyalty to a cause, a people group, or a nation.

But for TCKs, the lines aren't always clear. We've lived enough life across borders to know that truth doesn't always fit neatly into one box. We've seen how two opposing cultures can both carry beauty - and both cause harm. We've witnessed how every system, every worldview, has blind spots and brilliance woven into it.

When you've experienced life from more than one angle, it's hard to declare one side "right" and the other "wrong" without seeing the humanity behind both. That awareness can make it uncomfortable to join in the shouting match of modern life - where nuance is often drowned out by certainty.

And yet, Jesus Himself modeled something radically different. The Pharisees wanted Him to choose a side; the crowds wanted Him to overthrow Rome; even His disciples wanted Him to fit their expectations. But Jesus' response was simple and steady:

John 18:36 says, "Jesus answered, "My Kingdom is not an earthly kingdom. If it were, my followers would fight to keep me from being handed over to the Jewish leaders. But my Kingdom is not of this world."

His allegiance wasn't to an earthly side, but to a heavenly purpose. And that's our call too - to let our loyalty rest not in politics, culture, or national identity, but in the Kingdom of God. That doesn't mean we don't care. It just means we care differently. Our compassion stretches beyond the boundaries that divide others. We can grieve injustice without hatred. We can seek truth without losing gentleness. We can love people on both sides because we understand both perspectives intimately.

Matthew 5:9 says, "God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God."

Understanding Without Agreeing

Being a TCK often means living in the tension of empathy without full alignment. You can understand someone's pain without agreeing with their choices. You can love a culture's tradition while recognizing its brokenness.

Jesus lived this perfectly - He dined with sinners but never sinned, showed grace without condoning evil, and held truth and love together in perfect harmony. Philippians 4:5 says, "Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon."

Living like this takes discernment. It means you can care deeply without needing to control, correct, or convince everyone. Understanding is not the same as agreement - and grace is not the same as compromise.

Finding Your Voice in the Middle

Being in-between doesn't mean you don't have a voice - it means your voice can bridge divides. You've seen how people on different sides of the world can both be right and both be wrong. You know that empathy can be stronger than argument.

When you feel pressured to pick a side, remember:

1. Pause before reacting. You don't owe anyone loyalty to their side. Even Jesus often withdrew to pray before responding. Luke 5:16 says, "But Jesus often withdrew to the wilderness for prayer." When we pause and take a moment, we give God the chance to speak to us, and we give ourselves the time to discern when and if we should respond at all.

2. Lead with curiosity. Ask "Why do they see it this way?" Proverbs 18:13 reminds us, "Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish." When we respond out of pure emotion in the moment, rarely are we able to see things as they truly are. This often results in us saying or doing something that years later we wish we could take back.

3. Anchor yourself in values, not culture. Your foundation is in Christ, not culture. Colossians 2:7 says, "Let your roots grow down into Him, and your lives be built on Him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness."

Your values - love, humility, justice, mercy - become your compass when the world demands division.

Living Peacefully in the Tension

You don't have to have all the answers. You don't have to defend a single side to belong, Sometimes, your role is simply to hold space - to be the bridge between worlds that no one else knows how to cross. That's not weakness. That's courage.

Romans 12:18 says, "Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone." It takes strength to live in the middle, to stay compassionate when others are shouting, to keep your heart soft when the world goes hard.

And as you do, remember that Jesus stands there too - in the middle, with arms stretched wide between heaven and earth, bridging the ultimate divide.

The Bridge is Enough

Maybe your calling isn't to choose a side - it's to connect them.

Being a TCK means carrying pieces of many worlds, and maybe the reason you don't fit perfectly anywhere is because you're meant to fit between. You were built to see nuance, to translate, to love deeply even when you don't fully belong. So when the world says "pick a side," remember: standing in the middle isn't disloyalty. It's faithfulness.

Walking humbly - in compassion, truth, and peace - might not win the approval of either side. But it reflects the heart of a Savior who loved both.