How Frequent Moves Shapes Your Ability to Trust & Open Up

If you've moved often - especially as a child or teen - you probably learned early on that nothing lasts forever.

Friends come and go. Goodbyes are part of the rhythm. And sometimes, it feels easier to protect your heart than to risk feeling the loss again. This constant change doesn't impact your address. It shapes the way you build relationships. It influences how quickly (or slowly) you trust people. It affects whether or not you feel safe opening up.

For TCKs or anyone who's experienced frequent transitions, this is a quiet truth that often goes unspoken: moving a lot can make connection more complicated.

The Hidden Armor We Wear

When you've said goodbye enough times, your brain starts to prepare for loss before it even happens. You might find yourself:

• Holding people at arm's length

• Avoiding deep conversations

• Being friendly, but not vulnerable

• Feeling like no one "really knows" you

This isn't about being cold or distant. It's about self-protection and preservation.

Even though I have talked so much about the quick, deep connections TCKs build, it is also true that some TCKs learn to build relationships quickly - but only on the surface. Others go the opposite way and hesitate to get close at all. Both of these things can be true at the same time. Or they can be true during different seasons of life. Both responses make sense. They're ways of coping with a life marked by impermanence.

Trust Becomes a Process, Not a Given

Trust isn't just about believing someone won't hurt you - it's about believing they'll stay. And when your life has been full of transitions, that kind of trust can feel fragile.

You might wonder:

• "What's the point of opening up if they're going to leave?"

• "Do they even have time to really get to know me?"

• "Will they understand the layers of my life?"

These thoughts are valid. But here's something else to consider:

Even temporary connections can be meaningful. Even if someone isn't in your life forever, they might still be the right person for right now.

The Fear of Being "Too Much"

Another barrier to trust is the fear that your story is "too complicated." TCKs often carry layered identities, non-linear histories, and emotional experiences that don't fit neatly into small talk.

You may worry:

• "They won't understand my background."

• "My life feels weird or different."

• "If I explain everything, will they even get it."

But opening up doesn't have to be all or nothing. Vulnerability can happen in small steps. And the right people won't need to completely understand to care deeply.

Relearning How to Open Up

Healing from guardedness takes time. It's not about forcing yourself to trust everyone - it's about creating safety within yourself to try again.

Here are a few gentle reminders if you're working on opening up:

1. Start small. Share something meaningful, but manageable. Let the relationship grow organically.

2. Notice how people respond. Do they listen well? Do they respect your story? Emotional safety grows through experience.

3. Let people earn deeper trust. You don't have to hand over everything at once.

4. Tell yourself: connection is worth the risk. Because at the end of the day, real relationships require some vulnerability.

   
   

   When You've Built Walls, Not Bridges

   If you recognize that you've built emotional walls, don't be hard on yourself. Those walls served a purpose. They kept you safe when you didn't have the stability or support you needed. But just remember that walls don't only keep bad things out, they also keep good things from really coming in. These walls have emotionally protected you from a lot of hurt, but they have also prevented you from fully experiencing the joy and beauty of authentic love and community.

   
   

   But now, if you're craving more depth, belonging, or closeness - you can begin to build bridges instead. You can choose to open the door a little. To risk being known. And yes, sometimes that will hurt. But sometimes, it will heal you in ways you didn't expect.

   
   

   Frequent moves can make trusting and opening up harder - but they don't make it impossible.

   
   

   You've lived through transition, loss, and change. That resilience is powerful. But so is your capacity to connect, to trust again, and let yourself be seen. You don't have to be fully open with everyone. But you do deserve friendships where you don't feel like you have to hide behind the idea that you're "used to moving on."

   
   

   Because the truth is, you still need roots - even if they're emotional, not geographical. And it's okay to want closeness - even if your world has taught you to keep your distance.